Everything I Need To Know About Politics I Learned In Line At Wendy's
Everything I need to know about car mechanics I learned at PetSmart, but that's a different story.
News Briefs 3
If it wasn't for bad news, I'd write no fake news at all.
It’s Not a Report: Daylight Savings Time Postpones 4:20 by an Hour
I don't see what the big deal is. Then again, I lost my vision in a horrible speed-skating accident.
Enough Already – “Weird Al” Yankovic
Yoda doesn't rhyme with Lola. Weird Al doesn't rhyme with blow me.
Top 5 Things Better Than Bacon
I'm going to make you squeal like a pig with delight with this applewood smoked list.
World News & Views: The Octomom TV Show
A lady had eight.
World News & Views: Irack
It's like, you know, I'm over all that stuff. That war and fighting stuff, you know?
Writing an Article Vs. Doing Nothing
Point Counterpoint returns with an epic grudge match to the DEATH!
Dear Andie MacDowell
Could you imagine if she was my loud next door neighbor?
Not A Book Report - Lord of the Flies
I really did read all four Lord of the Flies books!
Hey, Are You Gonna Finish That?
Enough Already - Poetry
'Twas a long time coming, poetry. Begone, shan't you? Forthwith!
My Life At a Law Farm
Sit a spell and listen to this tale about some down home litigatin'.
National Day Declaration - Bitch Day
Read this article, bitch. You know you want to.
Inside the Female Mind - Beads
It's Marty Gra and we want your beads, boys!
Well, I Never!
Things I've never done for $800, Alex.
If I Could Go Back in Time - Ben Franklin
His uncontained awesomeness spurred generations to travel back in time. Or at least it should've.
Bring Back the Bud Bowl
Petitioning to reinstate a cultural institution, one insignificant step at a time.
Public Nudity Vs. Lose Some Weight!
Clothes on, clothes off. The great debate rages on. Actually, it's more of a weird debate than a great debate.
News Briefs 2
Real. Pretty. News.
Top 5 Questions for George Clooney
We'll have a gay 'ol time.
How J.D. Salinger Really Died
"Dang phony tree hugging hippy freaks! Liberals can keep their darn stickball!"
Why Must You Make Such an Issue of Being Referred to as “The Help?”
Come now. You are becoming quite the bother.
I Love _________
Kind of like a Mad Libs article, except you don't get to fill in the blanks on your own and there's no mention of poop or farts.
Yumsicles New Ad Campaign
Company Forces Popsicles Down Monkey Man's Throat
Enough Already - Hummer Limos
Yeah Hummer-Limos, I'm coming after you. You're next, SmartCar.
Remember "The Alamo" (2004) Day
Do you remember that movie? I bet you do. Let's make it official.
Regional Foods - The Arby Q
Roast beef, a bun, and Arby-Q sauce.
Dear Taco Bell
Another life ruined because of slow fast food service. My baby is pissed.
If I Could Go Back in Time
Everyone has an answer to this question. Read on to see my hilarious choice.
Up to the minute reports on the things that matter.
Not A Book Report - Catcher in the Rye
We don't read the book, so you don't have to!
Laughs From the Past: Phinnaeus Wentsworth V (1671-1724)
We uncover the long lost transcript of this stand-up pioneer.
World News & Views - Gay Marriage
Semi-topical. All hilarical.
Bring Back Jim Varney
Am I right? Yeah. I'm right.
The Moron's Guide to Driving
Guide to driving Transformers sold separately.
Tales From the Uptight, Impatient Traveler
Holiday travels have you stressed out? Here are some tips for next year.
There's No Sausage in Snausages
By Ruffy the Dog, as barked to Jon Waterman - just go with it.
Father Christmas Vs. Father Time
Division 1A men's college basketball
That's My Car, Not a Motel
The swimming pool is closed for renovations.
Bill Pullman Vs. Bill Paxton
Choose your side! The epic battle is decided.
N00bz - A Cautionary Tale
D0n't l3t th!s h4pp3n t0 j00!
Enough Already - Stamp Prices
Licking things is getting expensive!
Dear Old Man Who Rested His Nuts on My Knee While Riding the Bus
You know who you are.
I Say What's On People's Minds
For reals, dawg.
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